Archive for November, 2009

Satire: Who gives a hoot?

Sea Point residents want a ban on hooters to be lifted after an alarming spate of accidents and near misses in the Atlantic Seaboard suburb.

Cape Town City Council implemented the ban in July this year to curb excessive “nose blowing” by taxi drivers travelling along Main Road. Now, however, with no means of warning pedestrians, Sea Point’s not so elegant and considerable number of elderly are finding it uphill work crossing the road without being struck by the “silent assassins.”

Councillor JP Smith is stressed. His appeal to taxi drivers to curb hooting as they “propositioned” perambulators was laughed at by the drivers. “They called me horrible names.” Wailed Smith.

He explained: “We got tough with the taxi drivers; now the residents are calling me names.” There are now plans to build pedestrian bridges on the Main Road – meaning an additional bond on the R4.5-billion new stadium; “but it’s very necessary,” insisted an elderly Nigerian trying to cross the road on roller blades.

Chatting to residents at Sea Point’s “Yenta Centre”, battered and bruised victims were arming Zimmer frames and walking sticks and planning a less than peaceful shuffle along Main Rd to protest the ban saying: “We can’t see them coming and now we can’t hear them either, we haven’t got a chance, at least when they hooted we had some warning.”

Now a mass rolling geriatric action is in the offing … giving the taxis boys and Cosatu something to think about.

Mediation efforts failed when some residents attacked drivers with walking sticks; some even threw kitkas (Friday evening Jewish bread) at a taxi men’s representative who attempted to address them.

Taxi drivers are running scared and bewildered. Says driver Getouta Myway, “We hoot and we are fined, we don’t and we damage our vehicles on pedestrians and have items thrown at us; naai man, maybe we leave Sea Point to the bus drivers, it’s safer driving in Mannenberg.”

A suggestion by resident Oy Vey that the hooting ban be dropped and hooters’ sounds changed to something more soothing on the ear is on the cards.

The drivers have suggested the sound of the vuvusela while Jewish residents have suggested the sound of a ram’s horn, the Shofar – a traditional Jewish instrument which is blown on the high holidays.

Chauffeurs in the area, on hearing the idea, have rejoiced saying. “If they think blowing the “Chauffeurs” more often will help the situation bring it on.”  The local ladies of the night rejoiced with them, seeing job opportunities everywhere. “We’ll blow anyone if it will bring peace to the area.” Said one. “And even if it won’t.” said another.

In the meantime a non-Jewish, non-white, non-black mediator is being sought to sort out the crisis. No one really seems to give a hoot anyway! ©